Feminist Dating Resolutions for the New Year

Look, we’re not going to tell you how to date, who to date or that you even need to date. But if you’re looking for love, it’s worth looking for it in the right places—and going about it the right way. Here are some  ideas to consider for the New Year.

By Kristin Tschannen

 

dating-300x300Listen for Real Compliments. Start paying attention to what a potential love interest is reallysaying. There is a significant difference between a pick up line and an authentic compliment or question. Any lover you are considering bringing into your life should want to know the real you. He or she will admire your zest for life or your passion for travel; your family and the things that are important to you and make you smile.

Don’t Male Bash. Straight women, say it with us: Men are not the enemy! Leave your past disappointments and negative, preconceived notions about men and dating in 2012. It’s not only counterproductive to your efforts, but its downright unfeminist. We need men on our sides—in the board room and the bedroom—to make the kind of progress we still need to make. Start the New Year with a positive outlook in love.

Set Standards that Matter. Throw tall, dark, and handsome out the window and call in smart, funny, and spontaneous or any qualities you deem important in a potential love interest. Seek fit and a chemistry that keeps you buzzing. Date men who understand what it means to be a feminist woman and one who isn’t afraid of letting you know he’s a feminist man. Date men who have no problem talking to you about sex and are mature enough to have open communication and want an equal partnership. Then hold up a mirror and make sure you’re following the same standards.

Stay Single If You Want to Stay Single. Tons of alone time, a schedule beholden to no one, and the freedom to be as selfish as you want to be doesn’t exactly suck—especially if a little “me” time is what you really need right now. The New Year is a great time to start focusing on your relationship with You. You can surround yourself with people who really stoke your fire and who you can focus on having fun with. This is the time in your life to travel and have adventures and meet new people (see how non-sucky this is?). Don’t put expectations on your relationships with people; let them unfold naturally and enjoy it!

Links for Sexy Feminists: Rape Protests in India, Unpacking Christmas, Gun Control After Newtown, and more

Solidarity with India: Thousands of Indians took to the streets to protest lengthy delays in bringing rape cases to justice. Their courage is remarkable, since one witness notes that many women are more afraid of police than they are of guys on the street.

Elsie is my homegirl: On a much lighter note, Jezebel ran a glorious profile of 1912′s perfect woman, and she sounds so rad.

12 Million Days of Christmas: As if you weren’t already sick of mall carols, here’s a great look athow creepy towards women they can be. Our friends in Australia are doing a feminist remix of the classic Twelve Days of Christmas. Secular and non-Christian readers may appreciate this American Muslim’s take on observing the spirit of giving.

Dudes can be feminists: The Yeti Detective tells us (some of) what’s wrong with the “friendzone.” Feminist or not? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Fallout from Newtown: Why is my uterus more regulated than my guns? asks this rural Alaska woman.

Links for Sexy Feminists: The Good Men Project Gone Bad, Feminist Charities Need Your $, More

So-called feminist blog The Good Men Project has really gone downhill, saysSalonFeministe offers an insightful breakdown of how things went wrong, and it’s everyone’s loss: we all need the male feminist perspective. Why? The Guardian provides a saddening example.

My A is for Angry: If reading all that annoyed you, donate to A is for, an awareness campaign for women’s health issues and feminist activists.

‘But I followed the dress code!’: The hidden dangers of slut shaming and the modesty police.

‘I Don’t Want Kids’: Letting people know you’re childfree by choice at Jezebel.

Links for Sexy Feminists: Gun control in the wake of Newtown, what we can do about the wage gap, and more

Obama seems to be moving toward gun control: According to accounts of his speech at the Newtown memorial yesterday, including this one in The New Yorker. A bunch of celebrities agree that gun control would be cool. The New York Times, meanwhile, is running a series of philosophical essays on gun ownership and control. And parents and schools across the countryare wrestling with what this means to them.

‘Gay Men and Christian Wombs’: New York‘s The Cut reports.

A lesson in wage disparity: The Frisky‘s Lauren Passell knows she makes less money because she’s a woman — and argues that it’s because her gender has shaped the way she ran her career and didn’t ask for raises.

‘Why are you still single?’: Melanie Notkin examines the social plight of the single, childless woman on HuffPo.

People like porn of all kinds, regardless of official sexual orientation: Or at least those surveyed by Yale’s LGBTQ publication do.

Feminist Charities to Give to for the Holidays (or Anytime, Really)

Afghan Women’s Writing Project: Pairs Afghan women who want to express their truth, speak out about their lives, and perfect their language skills with American writing mentors. The resulting blog is eye-opening, heartbreaking, and inspirational.

Feminist Majority Foundation: A giant, umbrella activist organization whose name was inspired by a Newsweek/Gallup poll that showed the majority of women identified with the feminist agenda.

The Fistula Foundation: An estimated 30,000 to 50,000 women each year suffer from fistula, a horrifying injury in childbirth because of subpar medical care. This charity works to help them get the care they need.

International AIDS Vaccine Initiative: Funds scientific research with this goal in mind.

National Partnership for Women & Families: Reproductive justice, health care, and work-family initiatives.

Planned Parenthood: Reproductive and sexual health care for all.

The Polaris Project: Combats human trafficking.

RAINN: The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.

V Day: This group fights violence against women and girls throughout the world; its major fundraiser is an annual reading of The Vagina Monologues.

Links for Sexy Feminists: Magical HIV-fighting condoms, Hillary’s possible presidential run, and more …

Now this is the future we’d hoped for: No flying cars, but io9 tells us about these female “condoms” that contain HIV-fighting drugs, kill sperm, then disappear, no muss, no fuss, thanks to nanotechnology. No wonder these scientists got a million-dollar grant.

25 articles every woman should read: We agree, HuffPo, though we think men should read them, too.

Hillary Clinton is basically running for president: Or we’re all acting like it, or we just miss having an election to talk about, or we just enjoy fanciful daydreams. The New Yorker breaks down the pros and cons. We’re not the only ones kinda moony-eyed over the idea, either.

Women are now a third of nation’s doctors and lawyers: So says The Wall Street Journal.

Two sexual assaults reported at Yale this week: The Yale Daily News reports